Lost but not forgotten
by Fullmetallover2
Summary: A story taking place after a tragic version of the manga ending. How will Edward cope with a loss that pains him every second of the day? Can he triumph over such horrors that delve deep within his mind? Rated M for language and tragic violence, possible hints at adult themes. There is Royai and Edwin in the story, but the plot develops over a much darker truth.
1. Chapter 1: Pain Amongst Happiness

_A/N: This fanfiction is going to be based off the manga for the most part, but some stories from the anime may be used. The ending will be different from either of these endings though in a certain way that I will not reveal yet. I hope that it turns out well, but a forewarning-its going to be sad! I hope you enjoy!_

"Do you, Edward Elric, take Miss Winry Rockbell as your beloved wife?"

"I do." The mans golden eyes shown, a confident smirk smacked across his face. He was marrying the woman of his dreams, family and friends surrounding him with smiling faces. As he looked around these faces, he realized that one was missing, the one who got him through everything. The one that always had a smile, even when it wasn't possible for him to smile. The one that brought comforting words when nothing went correctly, held him back when his rage filled him with stupid ideas, had been with him through everything, and the only one who knew him better than Winry. A small tear appeared in his eye, but quickly it was gone as he remembered where he was and what was going on. Only one person in the mass of people noticed it, but she said nothing. 'This is what you would want…I miss you…" he murmured under his breath, hitching on his own words inwardly, but reflecting a confident persona on the outside. Once mustang finished and said the words "You may now kiss the bride" Edward swooped towards Winry, dipping her low and kissing her with such love that it shocked even her. She wrapped her arms around her new husband, grinning. Mustang chuckled at the young couple, reminiscing in his own marriage day not long ago. He grinned at Hawkeye, knowing she was thinking the about the same day when he saw the gleam in her eyes. The crowd cheered, and a man who could not be noticed stood in the back grinned. Well, not really standing, more of shimmering in the light. No one could notice him, not even Edward, as he stood in a clean tux and combed hair. He wasn't really there.

'_I'm proud of you. I miss you too… brother.' _

The festivities lasted all night, music and laughter echoing through the cool night air. Edward had joined in for the majority of it, but as people began to speak of family he quietly excused himself saying he needed fresh air. His friends gave him a pitiful, understanding look as he strode outside. Once outside, he began to punch his metal fist against the wall.

"Why aren't you here? You big idiot!"he clenched his fists, sweat appearing on his brow. "The truth… the gate… its all so stupid! Its all my damn fault!" He sunk to his knees, tears forming in his eyes. He continued to clench and unclench his fists, the automail one creaking from punching the wall. _'No its not brother, stop being so hard on yourself.'_ Al's voice whispered in the night, soundless to everyone but himself. Of course, Edward could not hear him, but somehow the message seemed to have gotten through to him. He sat against the building, staring up into the night. Alphonse sat next to him, crossing his legs and looking to the stars. _'We both made the mistakes. Its both of our faults…'_ Alphonse turned his attention to his brother, who had his head in his hands. He wished he could truly be there, truly help him. He reached forward to put a hand on his shoulder, only to have it go straight through. This new form was even worse than his metal body he had been bonded to. At least then he was truly there, not invisible to all around him. At least then he was able to help those he loved, and not just stand by and watch as they crumbled before him. At least then he could help his brother. He would rather go through the torturous sleepless nights, the inability to sleep, eat, and feel, than be like this. He felt so… helpless.

"Edward!" He heard Winry call,

"Its time to dance, come on!" she dashed inside, giving him a minute to compose himself. Ed stood up and squared his shoulders, shoulders that carried more guilt and worry than should ever be allowed. Alphonse remained seated, knowing there was no use in getting up anyways.

"Come on Elric, its time to dance… with your wife" Edward whispered to himself, a small smile appearing on his face as he began to think about her. He began to walk towards the door, hands in pockets, when he suddenly turned around. Alphonse looked up, and was surprised to see his brother appearing to be staring straight at him. Edward narrowed his eyes and than shook his head. "I must have had too many drinks…" he mumbled as he walked away. Alphonse sighed, the slight hope in his chest gone.

_'How silly of me, thinking he could see me at all.' _Sighing again, he stood up and walked towards the fields. His shimmering form dissipated into the night as he strode off in a similar way as Ed had, hands in his pockets. However, instead of going towards friends, family, and laughter, he walked alone into nothingness, darkness enveloping him into the night.

Edward woke up early in the morning, a extremely rare habit for him, especially after such a big night. He turned around to see Winry still sleeping peacefully beside him. He smiled warmly, caressing her cheek and moving hair out of her face. The thought that she was his wife now soothed the ever-present ache in his chest. Quietly, he got out of the bed and walked to the porch outside of Winrys room. He looked at the vast countryside, green hills lolling over the horizon and summer sun rising above them. Various birds flew across the side and sheep roamed the hills slowly, grazing on the lush grass. Den was sleeping under the large oak tree, tongue rolling out of his mouth and chest rising steadily. Ed studied the tree, memories of three blond headed children frolicking in and beneath it swimming through his head. One memory suddenly flooded forward at full force, causing a pained look to come over his face.

"_Big brother, you're climbing pretty high! Maybe you should climb down now!" Alphonse looked up worriedly at his older sibling who was getting into the highest limbs of the tree._

"_Hah, please I'm fine Alphonse!" Edward smirked down at his brother who huffed out when he saw the cocky look on his face._

"_Really brother, you're going to hurt yourse-" his words were cut off as Ed lost balance. He suddenly tumbled towards the bottom of the tree at an alarming rate. The younger Elric leaped under him, practically tackling before he hit the ground so he did not injure himself. He groaned when the weight of his brother hit him into the ground, causing him to wince. _

"_Br… brother…"Alphonse wheezed_

"_What? How did I?" Edward seemed startled at his newfound ability to actually fall out of the tree._

"_Please… off… heavy…" _

"_Sorry!" Edward yelped, leaping off of his brother. "Thanks for catching me." Al stayed silent. "Alphonse?"_

"_You…you…"_

"_Are you alright? Alphonse?" Edwards face twisted in worry._

"_IDIOOOOOOT!" Alphonse yelled, sitting up right. Ed was too surprised to do anything, eyes widening._

"_I TOLD you to get down, but NOOOOO Eds gotta go to the top!" Alphonse crossed his arms but winced at the action. "And now look, for saving you I hurt my arm!" he huffed again._

"_Sorry…" Ed rarely apologized to anyone but his brother, and when he did, it was sincere. For once he regretted not heeding to his younger brothers advice. Alphonse rarely got mad, and he felt bad for hurting him. Alphonse sighed._

"_Promise you'll listen to me in the future?" _

"_Fine." Ed said in a half sarcastic tone, beginning to regain his usual demeanor._

"_Promise?" Al asked again, and Ed noticed the concern on his face. He realized he had scared his little brother, and that's why he was mad. He didn't care that he hurt his arm; he cared about his brother's safety. Eds face loosened and a small smile creeping across his lips_

"_Promise." He said with full confidence, clasping his brother on the back._

"_OW OW OW OW" Alphonse yelped, Edward momentarily forgetting that he had hurt his arm._

"_Sorry!" he said again, helping him to his feet. They laughed as they made their way back to the house._

Edward sighed as the memory hung in his mind. Winry walked towards him, seeing the pained expression on his face.

"You're thinking about him again, aren't you?" she questioned gently.

"Yeah." Edward looked away, not wanting her to see him like this. She sighed.

"Ed, we ARE married now, you really should let me see you in pain sometimes. Its alright." She pulled him towards her and made him face her face to face. "Its okay to hurt. Its okay to cry, to be mad, feel anguish, its okay." He looked down at her, seeing the concern cross her face as he just nodded, eyes glazed over as he mulled over her words and memories of Alphonse. A dark memory tried to break through the barriers of his mind, trying to make him relive the most painful thing that had ever happened to him. He pushed it back, back into the deepest depths of his mind. Winry pulled him into a hug, and he did something he never did. He cried. It was a soft cry, the only kind he allowed himself in most situations. Winry felt strange holding the young man, used to it being the other way around. Usually, she was the one crying, not the one comforting the golden haired figure. He looked up, wiped his face with his sleeve, and straightened his posture. Within a few seconds he had one from fragile and weak to confident and strong. At least, that's what he looked like. Winry understood that the pain had not completely left him, and that he was thinking of something dark and evil. She decided it was time to get his mind off it.

"Come on, let's go get breakfast." He nodded in response.

"Okay, want me to hel-" he was cut off as Winry violently shook her head.

"NOOO WAY! Remember the last night you tried to "help" cook something?"

"I have no idea what you're talking about" He folded his arms. She glared at him.

"Alchemy freak."

"Gear-head"

Winry smiled an evil smile.

"Short stuff." While he was taller than her now, he still was self conscious of his height. The vein on his forehead twitched.

"You didnt…" he growled. They walked inside, bickering all the way.

_'If you loved mommy, why couldn't you save her?'_

_'Big brother….wanna play?'_

_Dark figures with empty eyes swirled around him, mocking him.  
_

_'Stop!' He cried in vain, but the memories continued to cascade into the darkness. __'Please, stop!' He fell to his knees, hating the feeling of being so hopeless. Faces that he had seen die came before him, those he could not save. The words left a sour taint in his mouth as he spun in never ending circles, trying to escape from this hell. He tried punching the misty figures, but his hand only went through them. He ran, never ending running, trying desperately to leave. Suddenly, a light came out of the darkness._

'_A…. Alphonse?' he choked on his words. The dark blonde held out his hand, a smile on his face. Edward walked slowly towards him, the menacing figures looming behind him. Just a few more steps…._

_Pained screams._

_Cry's of desperation. _

_Five more steps…_

_Sobs._

_Pain like no other, defeat._

_Two more steps…_

_Helplessness._

_He reached out to Alphonses hand, but when he grabbed it there was only mist. The figure suddenly wrenched over in pain, coughing blood. His body seemed to grow thinner, shimmering slightly._

"_ALPHONSE!" Edward yelled attempting to grab at the dissipating figure. The golden eyes stared blankly at him, as the darkness began to swallow them both whole…_

Edwards head shot up, and he looked around like a crazed man for a second. After eating breakfast, he and Winry had gone to the town to get more automail parts. When they arrived at the house, Winry had gone to work on her various automail while Edward took a nap under the large oak tree. He had fallen asleep quickly, only to become tangled in memories he wished never existed. Sighing, he looked at the summer sun beating down on him.

"We're damned idiots…"

_A/N: At first this was just going to be a one-shot, but there is a sort of plot developing in my head. Its pretty much my first fanfiction, so please review! I'm not sure how much ill update, but hope it's often enough. If you guys like it ill upload the next chapter when I finish writing it! Thanks for reading :) _


	2. Chapter 2: Silent Despair

_A/N: This entire chapter is a flashback, set on the end of my version of the promised day. (My end is a bit different, and will be explained later.) Again, if you don't like sad fanfictions I suggest not reading this. Enjoy!_

Edward lay in the hospital bed, clutching the sheets.

"Where…why…" the words stammered out of him, his breathing shallow.

"Fullmetal, stay with us. Come on, you're going to be okay" Mustangs voice came from his left, and Eds head shot towards it. Mustang grimaced at the sight of the boy. Sweat beaded what was visible of his brow, as the rest was covered with a damp towel. His automail arm, well the parts of it, lay in a tray next to his bed. He had cuts and bruises in many places of his body, and everything about him showed his distraught. He had been out for a few hours, nearly dead. All color had drained from his face, leaving a ghost of the usual liveliness that stayed there. Blood covered the sheets of the bed from the emergency surgery that had saved his life. Suddenly, he tried to speak, but the words caught in his throat, and blood came out instead.

"Fullmetal." Mustang showed no sign of he immense worry he felt. Edward didn't reply, and began thrash.

"Fullmetal!" Mustang snapped at him. Edward stopped thrashing. "You need to stay still, you nearly died." 'Died….' Edward thought. Suddenly, horrific images filled his mind. Images of truth laughing at him, the gate looming behind him, his brother limp in his arms.

"Where…is…Alphonse?!" Edward demanded, but the amount of energy it took to let the words out was too much, and he blacked out again. The beeping of the heart machine became unsteady, and doctors rushed in. Mustang had tried to stay by Edward's side, but was soon pushed away by nurses. Hawkeye grabbed his shoulder, pulling him out into the hallways. He could hear the nervous chatter of the doctors, and suddenly the machine stopped beeping and instead let out a long, dismal ring. Mustang tried to burst into the room, but Hawkeye held him back with all her strength.

"GET THE DEFILIBRATOR!" one doctor yelled.

"SOMEONE DO CPR! HURRY UP! WE'RE LOSING HIM!" Mustang's strength was beginning to overcome Hawkeyes and she had no other choice.

"Sorry, sir." She said calmly as she proceeded to use the butt of the gun to render the mad man unconscious. "Time for a little nap" she huffed as she put him gently down against the wall. The last thing Edward and his doctors needed was a crazed man running around. Hawkeye peeked through the window in the door and saw about ten doctors huddling over a limp body. 'Oh no…' she thought to herself. She cared deeply for the young teenager and the thought that he was dead sent a shiver through her body. She was pondering on how to wake the colonel as she attempted to hide her distress as a loud, agonizing scream split the air. Suddenly, Edward shot up in his bed, breathing heavily. His eyes were wide with fear as he took in the scene around him. Almost immediately, doctors tried to push him into his bed but he continued to resist.

"ALPHONSE! AL!" He yelled helplessly into the air, tears cascading down his cheeks. Without thinking, Hawkeye burst into the room and told the doctors to get out. At first, they resisted earnestly but as the stubborn, hazel gaze fell across each of them they shuffled out.

"Guard the colonel." Hawkeye stated simply.  
"The colonel? Is he all right? I thought we treated him already!"

" He's fine, just resting. Leave me with Edward." The last of the doctors nodded and closed the door softly behind him. Hawkeye sat down in the black stool next to Edwards's bed.

"Edward." She said softly, motherly concern subtly lacing her voice. He was clutching his face, shaking his head back and forth.

"Edward." Hawkeye said a bit more sternly. The boy's body shook, and Hawkeye moved her hand forward to rest on his shoulder.

"Edward, look at me." Slowly, he turned his tear stricken gaze towards her.

"You need to stay calm right now. You need to rest." She squeezed his shoulder.

"I…I…" he stammered just to cough up blood once more.

"Rest." Hawkeye gently pushed him towards the bed and pulled the cover up to his shoulders, quietly singing a gentle lullaby. She never had been able to have kids of her own, so she treated the Elrics like a motherly figure from time to time.  
"Where… you… song…" Ed wheezed as he spoke to words, eyes widening as he recognized it. It was a song his mother would sing to him and Alphonse when they were distraught, and to this day it managed to sooth him slightly. Hawkeye smiled at him.  
"From your friend, Winry. I once caught her humming it when she was crying, and found it comforting."

"O… oh." Edward sighed and leaned back in his bed. His breathing become steadier as Hawkeye sung the song gently, and soon he was asleep. It did not appear that he was having happy dreams, but at least they were not nightmares. Mustang had come to, and silently walked into the room while Hawkeye was singing Edward to sleep. He smiled at the sight, relieved that he was alive and the sight of Hawkeye singing to him. When he was asleep, he spoke quietly.

"You really would make a great mother, Lieutenant Riza." She jolted and composed herself in a matter of seconds.  
"I was just helping fullmetal rest, sir." She felt his eyes on her.

"I see. Well, he does need the rest." He came and sat in the stool next to her. His shoulders slumped slightly and his eyelids looked heavy.

"You could use the rest as well colonel." She looked at him worriedly, noticing how exhausted he was.

"I doubt I could sleep now. There's too much to do...there is no way I can relax" he sighed wearily. Almost silently, Hawkeye began to hum the song once more. Mustang felt himself slumping farther into his chair. When she began to sing it quietly, his eyes closed, and when she put a comforting hand on his arm, he fell into a deep sleep. Hawkeye noticed he was asleep and smiled. She simply sat by the colonel's side and gazed out the window for the rest of the evening.

'_Brother!'_ Al cried out for the hundredth time, choking on his words._ 'Why cant they hear me? What's going on? Anybody!'_ tears streamed down his face as no one seemed to pay any attention towards him. Edward had just fallen out of a portal that appeared from nowhere in the sky, bleeding heavily and nearly dead. The doctors picked him up and began to rush him to the hospital.

"What's his condition sir?" asked the brown haired one.

"Critical, nearly dead. He needs attention a.s.a.p." The blond headed one replied, and they ran even faster. Alphonse ran after them, sobbing all the way.

Alphonse stood in a corner, watching his brother. When he came too, clutching the sheets, Alphonse ran towards him. He hadn't dared gone near him, afraid that he would hurt him in some way after he was so beat up. _'Brother!'_ Alphonse cried out, reaching out to rest a hand on his shoulder. _'Your ali-'_ his words were cut off as his hand went right through Ed, who didn't even appear to notice his little brother. _'What… I…'_ Alphonse took a step back. He looked at his hands, his human hands, but the more he looked the more scared he became. He seemed almost transparent, shimmering when the light touched him. _'I…'_ he stammered again. _'No… brother… no…'_ tears streamed down his face. Edward was thrashing, Mustang attempting but failing to calm him down. He suddenly blacked out, and Alphonse stood helplessly as doctors poured into the room. He slowly walked towards the bedside, through the doctors, and kneeled at his brother's side. Edward wasn't breathing as doctors tried desperately to revive him. _'No… Edward…you… .you cant…' _he whispered quietly, shaking. '_Edward…'_

"I don't think we can save him…" one of the doctors said, defeated.

'_You….'_

"Your right, nothing we can do will help." Another agreed, shaking his head.

'_Cant…' _

"How do we tell everyone? This is such a tragic day…"

'_DIE!'_ Alphonse yelled the last word, and Edward shot up like he had been electrocuted. He looked around, frightened as he took in the scene.

"What the…" a nurse yelped.

"Al…" Edward muttered quietly under his breath.

"ALPHONSE! AL!" he screamed into the air. He was pushed against the bed as he sobbed, Riza bursting into the room. For just a moment, he appeared to be looking straight at Alphonse, and Alphonse jumped up.

'Brother!' he exclaimed excitedly, over joyed that he was till alive.

'I thought you wouldn't come back! I was so sca-' Edward than looked towards the lieutenant as she caught his attention.

'_Oh.'_ Al mumbled quietly, backing into the corner of the room.

'_Oh…'_ He slid down onto the floor, sobbing.

'_Oh…'_ he stared at his near transparent hands as he sunk his head into his knees.

'_Oh.'_

_A/N: Hope you enjoyed this chapter, please review! Sorry for the short length, I felt that it was good with just this part being here. Ill try to write a longer one for the next chapter, which ill be writing when I get the chance :). _


	3. Chapter 3: A Special Day

_A/N: Sorry for the late update, I am pretty sick right now experienced a bit of writer's block. I was also gone on a school trip to DC for the week. Sorry if its not up to what the past chapters have been, also apologizing for the short length :X! Some Edwin in the chapter, but don't worry, still going along with the plot. Without further ado, chapter 3!_

Winry chuckled as Edward practically inhaled his breakfast. Though he was done growing, he continued to eat like a growing boy. He noticed her staring and looked up.

"Wha?" he asked, mouth full of eggs. Winry exhaled.

"Will you ever learn manners?" he grinned up at her, shaking his head, which caused her to sarcastically sigh once again. The grin faded when she picked up her deadly wrench and proceeded to smack him with it.

"What was that for?" he groaned, rubbing the spot of impact.

"For being annoying" she stated simply, taking a sip of her coffee.

"For being annoying? At this rate, you'll smash my head in!"

"Wouldn't be too difficult considering the majority of its hallow" The vein in his forehead twitched slightly in annoyance.

"Oh well that's just pushing it, at least what I have is filled with useful information unlike you gear head!"  
"Without this 'gear head'" she exclaimed, letting the word hang in the air slightly, "you would literally be going nowhere." Edward sat in silence, raking his mind for an evil reply of some sort. Winry noticed the dumbfounded look that crossed his face and grinned.

"I have successfully beaten you in yet another game of insults Edward Elric." She crossed her arms triumphantly. He looked up at her and a goofy grin crossed his face.

"I guess. But that's what, 1 to 1 zillion?" she scowled at him.

"You know I have beat you more times than that." She raised her wrench in emphasis. _'Where did that come from?!' _Edward thought to himself, raising his hands in defeat.

"Now, help me with these dishes" Winry motioned for Edward to come over. He nodded and brought his plate towards the sink, rolling up his sleeves. They cleaned in silence for a few minutes before Edward broke it.

"I'm going to go to the cemetery today." He spoke the words softly, his eyes not looking away from the dishes as he washed them. Winry looked up at him, concern crossing her face.

"Do you want me to come with you?"  
"No." Winry knew that was his final answer and sighed.

"When are you going?"

"Later." Normally, Winry would have teased him for not really answering her question, but for this particular situation she didn't. Winry could read the pain etched in his face and saw the sorrow in the golden depths of his eyes. Winry also knew today was a particularly saddening day for him, it was for her as well. The thought of it brought tears to her eyes, and Edward turned when he saw this. He used a thumb to wipe away the tears. "Winry…" he exhaled, not knowing what to say. She looked up at him and touched his hand with hers. The simple gesture conveyed more words than she could speak, and he closed his head and leaned his forehead against hers.

"Its just…" the sentence hung in the air unfinished. "It should be… such… such a special…" Edward took a shaky breath, unable to finish his thoughts.

"I know." Winry pulled him into a hug, placing her head into the crook of his shoulder. They stood there, losing track of time, the hug easing the pain that stabbed through their hearts.

Edward walked along the cobblestone path, the clang of his automail leg echoing against the soft pat of his flesh one. The cemetery was a short walk from the house, and the cool air chilled his face, causing a slight pink to appear on his cheeks and nose. He wore his brown coat and slacks, white collar peeking out over the black vest. His blond hair was pulled back into a simple ponytail, golden bangs falling over the side of his face. He wore gloves over his hands, one of which holding a bouquet of simple white flowers. Among the bouquet of flowers was a small slip of paper, messy handwriting sprawled across the white paper in black ink. Three words stained the paper. _"Happy Birthday Alphonse."_

"You know, I should be in your place. I should have thought it through more…" Edward sighed as he stared at the grey gravestone. "After all we went through, the hard and the good, this is what we get?" He clenched his fists and fell to his knees.

_Alphonse Elric, 1900-1915._

The day of the funeral was forever burned into Eds skull, a day of darkness painted into his mind. The casket being lowered into the hole, the dirt covering it bit by bit. "Covering up the only family I had left…" he whispered quietly, shaking slightly.

'_No… you have Winry now. You need to stop worrying about this brother.'_ Alphonse was standing slightly behind him, arms crossed. A sad look crossed his face as he watched his brother silently mourn over him. It was strange, staring at his grave. The sun was beginning to set below the green hills, casting eerie shadows behind Edward and the gravestones. Alphonse knew that Winry would begin to worry if Edward didn't head back soon, and he just couldn't stand the pained look that crossed his brothers face while he grieved over him.

'_Brother… get up… move forward. That's what you tell people and yourself all the time. Maybe its time for you to listen to yourself.'_ Alphonse knew he couldn't hear him, yet he still felt like it was his duty to be with his brother and calm him through these difficult times. He stretched his arm forward hesitantly; afraid of the all to familiar feeling of nothing that would come. Just a few more inches. Alphonse's hand hovered over Edward's shoulder, unsure of whether or not to reach out to him. He knew it was hopeless, but Alphonse was not one to give up, even after all this time spent alone. It had been a little over a year since the promise day, and the memories of it still haunted him day and night, as they did his brother. He placed his hand down, his breath catching.

_A/N: Hope you enjoyed, sorry for the shortness, please review if you have time! _


	4. Authors Note!

Hello Everyone! I'm sorry for no uploads recently, I have a broken finger making it difficult to type. I also have finals coming up so I probably wont upload until around the Wednesday after next. (May 22) I promise I'm not giving up on this story or anything! Thanks for reading and reviewing :)


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